Nationl legend's life and times

The Penguin Hunter Diaries
Australia's National Architect's life began in the Azores in Horta on the island of Fayal when he was born on the 19th of October, 1833. His father, Admiral General Adam Durnford Gordon served in the West Indies where single handed he defeated the dreaded Oonga Boonga tribe's Emporer Walli Bunta before taking up a commission in the Bengal Cavalry sponsored by the East Indies Company. He played on the half forward flank for the Bengals and kicked 5 goals in the premiership match of 1837 many reckon he should have got the best player award that day but it went to Paddy O'Flahrety. Which is why young Lindsay Gordon became a racist and took up horses instead of football.
Durnford Gordon had the daredevil streak that his son exhibited throughout his life, once streaking at Lords during the tea break. Besides his physical talent and combative prowess Durnford was also a talented linguist, sketcher and poet so he took up engineering after finishing his footy career but never managed to achieve his dream of building a bridge because they had all been done. So he became a bridge plagiarist and would cast dedication plaques with his name as the designer and engineer and went around attaching them to bridges all over England. Lindsay's mother, Harriet, was the only child of Robert Gordon the former Governor of Berbice and Demerara in the West Indies and is the first recorded case of in-vitero fertilization. His mother never settled and her life became one of travelling between the capital cities of Europe because they kept changing all the time and she was awfully confused by this and is noted for having a melancholic disposition and prone to outbursts of temper. Probably caused because she got no frequent flyer points with all the travelling even though the airplane was not invented at this time it was not really fair. Which makes me wonder where this idea came from as there were no frequent coach points available at this time either? Once she had an outburst and shot Arch-Duke Ferdinand to feel better and started WW I, but that's another story. These inherited traits of his parents were reflected in Lindsay's exploits and deeds in England that resulted in him being sent to America to find his way home but he forgot to take the blindfold off during the trip and missed his connecting ship ending up lost in Australia.
Gordon arrived in Adelaide on the 14th of November 1853, with letters of introduction to influential members of society he soon joined the SA Mounted Police as a trooper and made his first mention in the local papers of the time when he joined in the quelling of, 'an ugly political riot in Hindley Street and riding at the back of the troop was a young man in hunting pink and breeches' before even being issued a uniform. Ever since then the pinks have been worn by SA police when incognito. But Halloween really pisses them off because every body runs around in pinks and they all get confused and Arch-Duke Ferdinand has already been shot so they have speed cameras to raise money to build a time machine so they can go back and shoot him to feel better.
On the 8th of June 1854 Adam Lindsay Gordon invented Penicillin but no matter how much he or his friends drank it never got them drunk but did clear up all their rashes and so he forgot about it and instead they all concentrated on throwing mouldy cheese at the door to door encyclopedia sales men. A copy of his bust in Poets Corner at Westminster Abbey has been recast in bronze and was installed By the Dean of Westminster Abbey in October 2005 but critics have said that as far as busts go it is pretty ugly. It was noted that all Gordon took with him to Penola beside his clothing and nescessities was a copy of Readers Digest abridged version ofMcauley's, Ancient Lays of Rome, which he soon memorised and is an obvious influence in the wording of his poems because so many words are missing from the poems that soon began to come from his pencil while living in the region that is the poetic heartland and soul of Gordon. As a Mounted Trooper in Penola he only made five arrests and his friends went halves in the reward money until it was figured out that they were doing the crimes and getting caught for the reward money and got told off. Gordon soon established a reputation as a 'good man with his fists' and this made him uwelcome in the local china and glassware shops. It was here that he also began to establish his reputation as a very good jockey, horse breaker and trainer. Why no-one knows because racism is still a confusing sport but why complain when we get a public holiday for it. In the last letter he wrote to Charley Walker from Penola in October 1855 he said, ' his bay horse Walker had added fresh laurels to his fame and would astonish the natives yet, tho' some of them little expect it. He hadn't fought much lately except when in a damned bad humour he had taken the local blacksmith clean off his legs twice without even having to use his left hand.' But it is easy to tip a legless man out of a wheelchair when he is busy painting the Smith's black. The Smith's have now gone on to get landrights but Gordon has kept the landlefts. Not far from Penola is Mt Gambier wher the dormant volcano the Bue Lake is the site of his "famous leap" to prove that he was the best horse man around to his peers. Walker went on to be disqualified for running when leading during the 2000 Olympics.
Robe, was the second major Port in SA at the time with the export of yellow things with hinges, wooden seashells and Emu's, was also the disembarkation point for thousands of chinese avoiding the Poll Tax for landing in Victoria so landed in Sth Australia and made their way overland to the Goldfields at Ballarat. Which is a long way to go for a job but ever since the Wall was finished in China a lot of laborers needed jobs. Their Wall is still better looking but ours keeps the rabbits out better if only we could figure out which side they are meant to be on. He rode many winners at the Robe Race Course and it was while recuperating from a broken arm at the Caledonian Inn here that he met his future wife Maggie Park. Who went on to build the home of Collingwood Football Club but Gordon said that she was a crap engineer because there was no bridge. While horse breaking remounts for the Indian Army among his clients, after leaving the Mounted Police, was Edward Stockdale at Lake Hawdon West (later Richmond Park, which became the name of the Bengals his dad's old footy team when they relocated to Australia from the Azores proving that history is cyclical just like a donut) near Robe in 1857 he befriended the remarkable man who was to stimulate his latent interest in literature and poetry. Julian Edmund Tenison Woods was a Catholic priest and scientist and also associate of Mother Mary MacKillop who is considered to be announced as Australia's first Saint in coming years. Although many Carlton supporters are convinced that Alex Jezalenko is going to make a surprising leap and grab the Sainthood.
Lindsay was elected to Parliament in SA on March the 16th in 1865 which was pointless but hell he had been lost for quite a while and he thought that with a bit of luck as a pollie he may get to meet some visiting royalty and shoot one to feel better. Compared to the life of a horsebreaker and jockey politcal life gave him the relative leisure to become a 'gentleman' but he really wanted to be a 'lady' and write his own sketch comedy show and call it 'Little Britain' but the computer said no. With his pursuits of steeplechase racing and literary involvement quite often his dress would get tangled up in the stirrups or drape in the inkwell and get stained. He decided that his dad's streaking had a point and so began a nudist colony which until the 1970's still celebrated Gordon's wisdom at cricket matches around the world. A conscientious but ineffective politician his rambling speeches baffled his more pragmatic colleagues with scattered phrases of Latin and archaic literary prose among them but not half as much as it baffled him, as he was English not Latin but took up his discovery of interest and ability in Archaic and refined it to Architecture where he reached his pinacle of fame.
Moving to Victoria after resigning from parliament brought Gordon into his element and he concentrated on his Archaic. Designing the West Gate Bridge, Myer Music Bowl and Ayers Rock which has had a name change after it was found to be a Landright and not a Landleft and the Smiths used it to win the National Scrabble Championships as Ulluru.

The Penguin Hunter Diaries

The Penguin Hunter Diaries
Finally back home after touring through Victoria performing "the Ballad of Adam Lindsay Gordon". It is kinda odd that for someone like me who gets bored so quickly that having performed this show since 2002 it still is so exciting. The people and places I go is what makes it so much fun. And by being in the 'Gordon' frame of mind I think this makes it all the more worthwhile seeing it as he saw this new world that became Australia when he arrived. Moments that resound in my memory are hearing a chorus of kelpies barking and yapping during my performance at the Casterton Kelpie Festival which proved why WC Field said, 'never work with animals or children'. And performing between an emeritus professor from Melbourne University and an academic Dr. of something who had written a book about Gordon at the Froth and Bubble Festival in Champions Racing Hall of Fame in Federation Square, Melbourne. Damned if I know what is so much fun about the unexpected but I love it. Hell there was even a lectern! I had heard about these things and I think this was a real flash one, made of perspex and with two mic's attached Iw wish I had the time to see if they were able to be used as antenna and tune into the space Station. Instead I had to talk and perform about Gordon and that was probably the right choice as that was why I was there. Besides I didn't know whose turn it was on the roster at the space station and if the russians are there I would not have understood a word of what they said.

Footyheads hit hate wall

The Penguin Hunter Diaries

So calling a footy player a richard cranium is not appreciated as funny. And the talkback radio heads were surprised that many people did not believe that the player who punched the abuser on the nose was wrong. Steven Trigg has put an about face on his previous comments of wanting AFC supporters to hate the PAFC AFL team on the Crows website. One talk back caller mentioned that Mr Trigg had a case to answer in the event and he has spoken out as well. No he does not endorse hate and nor does the club.

This is where the 'Little Old Adelaide' misnomer is refuted. The world game as we are all getting a fill of now had huge problems with this ingrained hate for years and came down on it like a ton of bricks. But the footy world is still hampered by state perceptions of the game which is national. This is no longer a suburban game with good natured rivalry it is a major interest of people around the nation who are totally unknowing of the opposition CLUB supporters. It is not a state identity game it is a national club competition and by trying to develop suburban hate as a marketing tool it has been great to hear and see that many people are aware of how out of touch with reality this is. But will our media heads who perpetuate this with their unfunny irrelevant banter in SA act upon this?

Hate ain't Healthy

I am slack as they come when it comes to churning out ramblings. Mostly it is a matter of pacing myself, coz in between ramblings I have to do things as well. Usually with what my lastest raves are about. Yep words are bloody pointless if not acted upon as far as I am concerned. Had a ball at the show on the 20th of May it was fun to get up and make people laugh. No swearing, no belittling of anyone, okay I did a little pisstake of Warney, Schappelle Corby and a few politicians but mostly got stuck into inanimate objects. C'mon I have to have a bit of a challenge when having fun and use my brain to get a laugh.

Anyway back on my soap box, HATE AIN"T HEALTHY. Especially when fuktard media heads use it in sport because they think it is funny. Or in Steven Triggs case a good marketing ploy to strengthen club support. Yeah he said it quite a while ago in a news interview and today I find out that 5AA used HATE as a topic to get a bit of humorous banter during talkback on a footy show. Apparently it was not funny and the announcer was a bit uncomfortable as the subject denigrated into some scary comments. A few years back I made a bit of a spectacle of myself and had a few public rants about hate and sport. Right now I do not feel vindicated or any more correct in my past stance.

When I hear footy heads raving on about bringing back interstate footy games and the AFL are not supportive of it. How about because the AFL can see how divisive the archaic concept from the last century would be to the image of the game as it is developing today. Social stability is not secure if hate in any form is supported or encouraged through mass media exposure. Sport is a great avenue to instill hate and establish a fertile ground to nuture what is proven to be the result of this. Unfortunately the attitude of; 'It can't happen here' is a classic ostrich with the it's head in the sand' myth perpetuated by the myopic.
Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

NO Pain - It's bloody fantastic

Twenty odd years ago between then and getting to now I managed to pick up a few injuries which did hurt at the time. What really sucked was that the pain that followed since that time was worse than the original. It did not help at times that I would go and aggravate them by not wrapping myself in cotton wool and instead chosing to get out and do things. To cut a long tiresome tale short in 1995 I started going to a Bowen Therapist for treatment of the injuries. It was simple really seeing as I had tried the rest from chiroprators, massage, trigger point therapy you name it, I pretty much had a test run of everything in my search for a cure to the pain.

On a scale of pain what I was getting is the equivilant of turning on a light to the flash of a nuclear weapon going off and saying 'shit thats a bright light'. Two weeks ago on my last Bowen I mentioned that the last two months seemed to be really achieving something and damn it all that day the first move she did was right on the button of where the main pain had been all these years. I stopped her and said, 'damned if know but that was the spot and something just happened.' Here I sit today two weeks later and I can with out doubt say it's bloody well fixed at last. It is the best feeling all over, hell what is really weird is that now instead of noticing the times when I hurt, now I am stopping myself when doing things and thinking, that feels weird there is no pain. I reckon even winter and no sunbaking for a few months is not such a bad thing for a change.
Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

2020 - is the end the begining

My week of buying The Advertiser daily is ended and it has been enjoyable reading. Maybe it is the absence of being a regular reader except on Saturdays for the past year, but I found the content of the paper to be an improvement. Particularly the coverage of events inter and intra - state. And for some reason even given the coverage of 2020 in letters to the editor, the amount of myopic carping was tolerable. It came across that the majority of contributors actually want change and a vision for the future in place. The first two days as the paper set the scene for the week with contributions of ideas from a variety of commentators in government, industry and asthetics.

As the week progressed I tuned into ABC 891, being country based it is the only avenue I have to statewide comment available and noticed that the 2020 Vision did not even raise a comment in the talkback on the morning program, not that Bevan and Abraham did not encourage it to their listeners. That is mostly because of the audience demographic to the program not the subject. This audience is definately not the one who this topic and idea is relevant to. Those who it applies to are at work or contributing to progress in the state in their own way. Early in the week Tim Nunan was intervieing a Soccer Australia rep on the Socceroos coming to Adelaide and playing at Adelaide Oval and the Women's soccer matches being played at Hindmarsh stadium. For the second time that I can recall in my memory, Tim included in his questioning the line, " We are suspicious in South Australia..."

Are we?

Or is it a matter of being encouraged to drag our heels in moving forward, until 'Death by Committee' can be enacted?
Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Get on your bike, AWB

Eureka!! Questioning the use of cars in the CBD of Adelaide has been brought up again in the 2020 Vision series. Jane Lomax-Smith has suggested a month of Sundays for no cars on the streets of the CBD. Well, why not, it could be interesting and riding bike is far more sociable than being ensconsed inside an individual universe of a car by drivers'. Good grief people will actually be flesh and blood in action and not puppets behind a steering wheel. As far as talk-fests go this one has been interesting, of course it all has to be acted upon and this was one of the first points made when 2020 was raised. SA is notorious for death by committee.

Speaking of committee, the AWB inquiry have now released a letter from the AWB who were apologising after being caught out in the previous 'Oil for food' Volcker inquiry into corruption.
This admission of guilt was included in a letter drafted for the then managing director of AWB Andrew Lindberg, that was suppressed until yesterday. For fuck's sake AWB bloody well knew they were breaking the law and had been caught. What a load of bullshit has been delivered by people who have taken the stand in past months.

To quote the draft letter, "This was a failure, at the time, of the culture, systems and procedures which the company deeply regrets and is committed to continuing to improve." Ending with "We simply should have done better; and I am deeply sorry we didn't." the former managing director Andrew Lindberg says.

Very nicely written and in plain English would read as; " Shit we got bloody caught rorting the Oil for Food program and it was all worth it because we sold the wheat and made money. We won't do it again because the trading environment has been changed since Saddam got kicked out on his arse and we are dealing with new people to sell Australian Wheat to. Saddam was a criminal leader who lost the war to free his country and it was all his fault because we just wanted to sell wheat and doing it his way meant that ours was what was bought and paid for."

Apparently the Lawyers for AWB tried to keep the letter confidential after it was inadvertently given to the Cole Commission. So they should have, now the general public have seen the proof that the AWB were a bunch of business people who didn't give a shit as long as they made money.
Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

20 20 vision - Picture of a man with only seconds to live

Well my week of buying The Advertiser is nearly over, and back to just getting papers on the weekend is only a couple of days away. Mind you I have found it to be a better read than in the past. Still my interest was only peaked because of the 2020 Vision idea for the week. It has been the usual stuff up until Wednesday today it took a turn towards what I think needs to change, the resident attitude. Up until now it has been all about and feedback of buildings, buildings and buildings. The usual comments of not making Adelaide look like Sydney or Melbourne for what ever reason they are contributed just seem stupid to me.

I am just looking forward to doing the show on Saturday night alway love it when I see the sold out signs go up for a gig. Knowing the room is going to be full makes it so much more enjoyable. Went to a couple of the rehersals and... Okay, I don't rehearse. It is totally pointless for stand-up comedy so I went along just to get a running sheet and make sure the mic. and sound system work. All I organised is what color shirt I'll wear for the show, almost anyway. I know I will wear a shirt. Told the people doing the show what I will use for material except that was then, I won't have a clue until I walk out on the stage.
Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Adelaide - Belly Button lint or Ecstasy?

Belly buttton lint is obviously an intoxicating substance. Adelaide for some reason does a lot of navel gazing and some people may purposely or accidentally inhale or eat navel lint and suffer from the halucinatory effects of this blue fluff. A big country town is a title that can be applied to Port Lincoln or Mount Gambier. Although, Mount Gambier is classed as a city. Then there are those dear old talking heads who refer to Adelaide as a big country town. No it is not. A big country town is where you go to a public or entertainment event and have a quick social chat with the ticket seller and recognise many of the audience. A big country town is a place that has a population that has numerically just under or just over the amount of people required to be called a city. That figure is tens of thousands not hundreds of thousands.

For the first time in months I am buying The Advertiser during the week, only because of the Vision for 2020 series. First thing that is catching my attention in the articles is the disparity between Olde Adelaide and Young Adelaide. Olde Adelaide appears to have this ideal of suburban jockeying for identity, literally 'keeping up and getting one step in front of the neighbours'. Perhaps this is why the Airport, Bus Terminal and Interstate Train Depot have languished for so long. Almost as if they are necessary to have but damned if we are going to have attractive places on hand that may attract people to leave the state.

For all the comments that infer how, supposedly, SA is viewed interstate it is a great myth propagated about nothing. It is nothing, but a little tale that has reached bogeyman proportions. Is it the ultimate Urban Myth?

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

"Great Idea - Now What?"

Okay I have taken the title from The Advertiser's - Review article on Saturday which is the first of a special series on SA this week. The newspaper is bringing some bold ideas to the 'table' for discussion on a vision for a vibrant Adelaide in 2020. I am anticipating seeing this and the reaction across the board before it is quietly shelved away and overshadowed by other issues of importance. Various hamstring injuries, amount of beer to be drank before eating a pie floater etc.

Mike Rann in his introduction to the Government Strategic Plan from March 2004 wrote, "South Australia has had so many plans and we have been consulted to death, what we have lacked is a comparable zeal for implementation..." Much like entering an SA team into the AFL it would not have happened unless Brian Webber and his board at the PAFC hadn't made the decision for the club and it's members because Adelaide was becoming a playing field that was no fun any more.

The Heysen Tunnel, Southern Express Way, the O-Bahn, National Wine Centre, the Multi Function Polis, Monarto development, Football Park, Victoria Square, some are constructions that have eventuated some have not. Invigorating and enacting tangible zeal for the future, starting today. That is going to be something to be part of, hearing, seeing and most importantly doing. Where the questions and analysis are of you and no-one else. For this to happen each resident of the State is accountable and responsible. Do you the balls/courage to ring, for example talkback radio and say that the esteemed figure who said, ie; the grand prix was stolen, or kick a vic, is wrong?

This is not a material construction, no bricks and mortar put together by tradespeople which will say, "SA has zeal". There is no shortage of people with the right kind of zeal to make a SA improve. Just you do not hear them as often or as loudly as those whose zealousness is wrong. Much harder to make in fact because people have to stand up as individuals and shrug off decades of negatives being enhanced and repeated ad nauseum. One other thing, you don't get paid for being zealous. Some people do and that is also a problem because what is needed is people who can stand up in front of people and be zealous of SA in the new RIGHT way and the people listening HAVE TO DO THIS NOW and make the current State mentality and attitude change.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Next Gig, bloody Joan Rivers

The Penguin Hunter Diaries
Bloody Joan Rivers made me laugh on the Logies, on Sunday night. At the same time I just knew it was going to mean I am going to have to explain my next shows content to the community group organising it. Got a phone call yesterday arvo that there is a meeting at the venue today and yes the content of what I am going to do came up. I lied of course because I have no idea what I am going to do until I walk out on stage.

It's actually pretty cool as the director of the show is aware of what stand-up is, but the usual meddlers in any community event are putting in their 20cents worth of censorship. I don't often do community events purely for that reason. People who have never been to a stand-up gig giving 'advice' about what can be done in the act. It's like meeting people and they tell me that they are a doctor and when I say I do stand-up in my job getting that reply. "Oh I have lots of funny stories to tell, I'd be a good comedian" Shit yeah, and this morning I woke up and though bloody hell I'd make a great brain surgeon how about you do my gig tonight and I'll do your surgery.

It seems that once again the conservative element think I am going to come out and swear. Coz that is what stand-up comedy is.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Croweaters are not all bigots

Will debunking 'kick a vic' have heretics of this sacred phrase put in stocks in Rundle Mall and pelted with Frog Cakes before a dunking in the Victoria Square Fountain filled with mushy green pea soup and upturned pies? Having performed in Adelaide comedy venues over the past four years want to know something funny. Not once have I heard a South Australian comedian use interstate rivalry in getting or keeping the laughs going from a live audience.

By the Piping Shrike could it be, this is Not funny! Except within the walls of sporting clubs. Much like the humor from the era it originated from it is passe' in the 21st Century. Look at the terrific examples of South Australian sporting clubs management and operational success on the National stage. Adelaide City 'soccer' club, Adelaide 36'ers Basketball club, netball, baseball and rugby league teams have had the same platform in their niche sports and failed. Not to forget the huge crowds the interstate rivalry of the Pura Cup attracts to Adelaide Oval during the cricket season.


Bloody hell, Media Mike the state premier was even ranting on about beating the vics when announcing getting the destroyer contract. What the hell do these public comments have to do with economic growth? Or is the next game of AFL football so important that it needs to be given an indirect reference. No wonder 'The Australian' in a recent article on various state attitudes in Australia printed, "South Australians, they just wake up grumpy."


Tourism spending down by $128 million and 800,000 less visitors last year since 2004. That's a lot of money and people missing and as winter comes around with it is the news that the successful Secrets campaign has been replaced with SA - A Brilliant Blend. The Tourism Task Force is blaming the falling number of visitors on the lack money being spent on promotion. I don't think the State has enough money to counter the falling numbers without a significant change in the generic attitude the State presents of the way it views those who live outside it's borders.


No matter how many advertisements 'The Brilliant Blend' campaign releases promoting the niche image of South Australian people, the lifestyle, produce, landscapes and wine, being reminiscent of Tuscany in Europe are delivered.


All this positive effort and expense is going to be countered by the smothering portrayal of the South Australian experience through the medium of sporting coverage and it's associated "kick a vic" attitude. Something that harkens back to the middle of the last century, when by distance alone Adelaide was isolated and self sufficient for employment, entertainment and sport. When radio and newspaper coverage was nowhere near as widespread and raucous for attention as it is today with the addition of television into the mix. Nor as prevalent. As a form of state identity and pride is fine if it is confined within the precincts of sporting enclaves. But not the front page of daily newspapers, is football now the driving force for the state identity. Football is sure as hell is 'only a game' and not an economic cornerstone of the economy and has stuff all potential for growth.


In coming months the State media will be smothered with this attitude and it's off shoots, from the garden of sporting pride that has also brought the melodic, witty and tuneful stalwart, we all love, Ozzie! Ozzzie! Ozzie! - Oi, Oi, Oi! The 'kick a vic' is presented as funny, humorous and an aside to counter put downs of the State sporting ability in the last century, during interstate contests which were annual events, not weekly. What if we changed the word 'vic' to 'tourist' in every media article and commentary how long do you think the overuse of this representation
of the SA public attitude would go on for?


To know that people are in SA with the ability, authority and intelligence to correct this. Yet don't because it is a good fall back when feeling lazy and just need a no brainer for a filler commentary or column piece is why all the money spent is wasted as lip service to promoting SA as a great place to visit because of the free exposure the other representation has will always outweigh it on volume and audience share inter and intra state. Other nations, communities, cities and states has made the effort and changed stereotypical attitudes which has been detrimental to growth and economic progress. Why can't South Australia?


Or am I wrong? And in fact South Australians are in paroxyms of laughter and trying to hold their innards in whenever they hear another witty interstate jibe.


Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Mining Jobs available, an introduction from experience

Brilliant, Adserv have put a link to Mining jobs available, on my blog. I think it is fair as I have worked in mines to give a little info on the job for readers and include a few pics to show what it looks like underground. Firstly, I hope you like to travel. Crews I have worked with have been everywhere from Australia, Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, Africa, Sth America and Europe. If appearance and dress sense are crucial to your ego this is not the job for you. There is lots of dirt on you, around you, and in you. Claustrophobia, is a definite disadvantage. A liking for making big bangs, is bound to be satisfied. Drinking is not mandatory, many miners I worked with were teetotallers. Being able to read or have a hobby is crucial, you are generally in the middle of -

nowhere and in between working, sleeping and eating there is not much to do. Golf is a good hobby. Ivan, yeah he was even a Russian took up golf after seeing it on television. I think I recall him telling us about his experience at an actual Golf Club after he took up his hobby. Ivan played a very special game of golf. The Ancient Rules of Ivan Golf will never be followed by anyone els and when Ivan found out that the other version of golf had rules he did not make up he never played on a course again. Why bother he had his own, with a few unique aspects, No greens, holes or tee blocks. 'Ivan Golf', entailed getting your sticks, an esky full of beer and ice, teeing up a ball and just hitting it into the nearest open space. Being in the middle of nowhere this was easy. Then the players just followed the balls direction and hit them around until the beer ran out.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff.

Dead Sea Scrolls revealed Libraries are for lost stuff

Lost stuff gets found all the time and at last I have figured out the point of libraries. It was so obvious all along, now I have proof. Wednesday night I had recordings done in Brisbane to be sent to Mt Gambier via the ABC. The soundtrack was stored in their TARDIS. Yes that is what it is called, which should set off the alarm bells straight away. At the moment the work I need is somewhere between Gallifrey, Dr Who's home planet and Earth or possibly being held captive by Daleks. In simple terms it is lost. But is it lost? I know exactly where it is and so does everyone else involved, it's in the TARDIS. But no-one can find it. Which brings me to the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Judas Was A Good Fella gospel, chucking in Pharoah Tut., the Titanic and any Memo's on the Australian Wheat Board. None of these things were ever lost. People knew where they were all the time, they just forgot to pass on the details.

None of this of course applies to LOST SOCK's this is a totally different area of expertise. Billion's of hours of research into discovering Lost Sock's is being spent. Under the guise of research into the Bermuda Triangle, UFO sightings and Greenhouse gases. I personally think it could all be fixed very quickly and at the same time solve the obesity problem. As a nation we should all stop what we are doing and go look for the missing socks. Starting at the coastline of Australia we all join hands and start walking towards the centre. Scouring every nook and cranny for the Lost Socks. When we all meet in the centre of the country, jump into the air in unison and use the moment to see if the 'Chaos Theory' does work.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Why not cull the Corrella's

The divide between rural and urban attitudes is being highlighted following MP Graham Gunn's comments on culling Corrella's which are a problem to the farmers in his electorate. Just a note 'Farmers' are the people who provide the food you have to have, to supermarkets, butchers, bakers etc. In the same interview Gunn also said he was involved in the restraining or evicting of an animal right's protestor at a rodeo as well. I'm not sure of the total details I wasn't there. Socially in rural communities people know people and even if not by name do acknowledge their existence, the anonominity of urban life does not apply. Urban dwellers your environment socially, economically and media wise is totally different.

It is a far more practical lifestyle and what beasties you can only see in a zoo we can see roaming free. 'Country' people are not rednecks, it is a generalisation and can be funny. We are a minority of the population in South Australia but that does not mean our opinions, knowledge and ideas are wrong. We tend to respect our neighbour's because we are not disassociated by social or media stereotyping. What is an important issue in Adelaide is often totally irrelevant to the country, ie the tramline down King William Street, traffic problems at Footy Park and interest groups promoting and commenting on their issue of choice. The latter is usually an opportunity of association to an item such as the Corrella Cull.

I was fine with it all listening to radio comment and reading about it until I heard the comment saying that it's a typical redneck idea. Emotion should never come into a valid discussion. Raise it or encourage it and a wrath you never imagined can be dumped on you. Why do you think words such as N---GER; W-G; S---TIC have been removed or tempered in public use. Redneck is a non specific word that is lumped on people by where they live. It is about intelligence levels, sexual behaviour with relatives and gourmet dining on roadkill. Bloody hilarious at times, in fact. Never use it in intelligent debate on legitimate subjects. Showing your ignorance, bigotry and lack of ability to communicate sensibly and rationally.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

No Worries; excellent service from Brisbane ABC

Arranged for the recording of a character in a radio production by Steven J Whitely in Brisbane on Monday for tonight at 7.30pm through the Mt Gambier ABC. Spoke to Steve this morning and gave him the address and the ABC phone number as well. I knew it was all organised but having done this job for many years too often have I turned up to places and been met with bemused looks and sometimes the outright disbelief of 'What the hell are you doing here.' So I gave Steve the no. for one reason alone, he has been in the industry himself for long enough and knows this happens. And he would have had that gut feeling that even though I had told him it was all done would want to hear a confirmation from the horses mouth at the ABC for his own peace of mind.

Sure enough at 2pm I get a phone call, he's rang them to check and they have no idea what he's talking about. Can I arrange a new time next week. The ABC staffer he spoke with the, 2nd one was helpful and is following it up, the first one was rude and shunted him off. Damn that's really stuffing up the deadline for me and thrown a whole week out to get the production finished off. I'll have to ring Mt Gambier explain the cock up, Steve has gigs in the Gold Coast and Brisbane next week... so that throws out the days available and so on.

Steve gets two phone calls while we chat one from a big bannana following it up as he has found no record of this booking arrangement and the second from Melissa the second girl Steve had spoke to, what a fantastic ABC employee. She has followed it up, found that it was all arranged as I had told Steve and all is sweet again. No-one lost their cool or had a rant and it proves that the best form of service is not the fast food version. The best service takes time and you get a quality result. Thanks ABC it's all just going along fine again because of the quality.

Starting the Mine at White Devil NT and pics

It is something to think about when you are in a town and the people are wearing T'shirt with slogans saying they were there and survived the latest earthquake and drinking beer out of stubby holders saying the same. And you have arrived to start digging a decline going 1.8km underground. As I said in my last post I was in my first earthquake in Tennant Creek but it was just a tremor and not a big one. It was a Sunday and to describe it, I first thought there was a train hurtling by which considering the nearest train station was in Alice Springs over 600km away at the time is a bit of a worry because it sounds like a very big fast train coming right a you. We started the digging a bit later and in a different place than planned. Where we were meant to start in the Open Cut was filled in when one side collapsed. There was actually a guy working in an excavator at the time and when he heard the first rocks hit the cabin roof he opened the door leapt out and ran. I met him a few days later at the pub and he still looked white as a ghost. And somwhere in my photo album is a pic of the arm of that excavator sticking up out of the ten or so metres of rubble it was buried under. Still the job had to go on we weren't on site to get a good tan. After it was deemed to be not safe to go where the collapse had happened, a new entry point was chosen and (1st pic) a Tamrock, (the Orange tractor with the Preying Mantis arms) drove up to the rock face and started drilling the holes for the 'first blast'. As you can see in the 2nd pic the result is just a chip in the rockface about 1.5 metres in. The iron rods are rock bolts which were drilled in to control the blast's effect so the rock is blasted out and not shatter the face and end up with a great mess.
The third pic has Hienz up on the adit's supporting girders and the steel plates in the face around the opening are all on rock bolts up to 3m long drilled in to support the surrounding area and prevent collapse. Leaning on the face on the right the Yellow 'thing' is an Airleg with a Panther Drill still attached, with a rockbolt alongside it.
The pic of Hienz standing on top of the girders was taken a couple of days later. Behind him is a hole packed with timber. Not long after I took the pic of him and the crew working on the adit three of them were standing in the bucket of the loader. Hienz with a steel girder across his shoulders and the space now packed with timbers is where the rockface collapsed cracking a few ribs and burying them all in rocks.
The last pic is how the opening looked after it had all been shotcreted and the Tube is the Ventilation duct for getting fresh air into the mine. This was all spruced up as the Corporate bosses were coming out for a visit and the sign says White Devil Mine Australian - Development Ltd., the company we were contracted to. Its been a bit of a fun day today reminiscing and going through the albums seeing all the crew again. Hey, it was not all work and injury we did play and hard at times too. I may even post a few of those pic's this week. Hell I reckon my liver still has stretch marks from some of our escapades.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

A tale and pics of underground mining

Lyndon Grieve, is a name I will never forget, he was the only fatality at the mine site during my contract, killed by a rockfall. From 1988-89 I worked at White Devil Mine, Tennant Creek NT. The Beaconsfield Mine accident is about a place most people never go, underground. Having been there and done that I have put in the pics of what working underground looks like. What is it like a kilometre underground? For miners it is no different to any other workplace, for a person visiting only an experience that is unique.

Some visitors when invited for a tour declined and honestly admitted that it was fear and even when people with them told their tales of the visit did not show any change in their attitude. The first thing you notice is that there is nowhere to go except where the tunnels lead. For those who are having the visit as an experience and not work, they comment on the feeling that they know there is nothing but more rock behind the walls and no open space. The temperature, humidity and amount of water surprises many. White Devil was in the middle of a desert yet we had 3 underground dams with pumps running regularly every day clearing the water out to stop flooding. Hilarious in retrospect because when it rains in the NT it pours and being water it runs down. As you can see by the wide pic of the mine it is the little hole in the wall at the bottom of an 'open cut' and a flood of water running down the walls and roads all leading to the entrance does create a bit of a rush for more pumps.
Accidents do happen in the first 2 weeks, I did 3 trips into the Hospital with injured miners from rockfalls, I also experienced being in my first earthquake at Tennant Creek. I was above ground at the time, if I had been underground that would have scared the life out of me, I think. The job being done from the loader bucket is
similar to what I understand the the survivors in Beaconsfield were doing. Putting up steel mesh and rockbolting to stabilize the mine roof and prevent rockfalls. Rockbolts are various lengths 2-3 metres long and screwed into the rock with an 'airleg' simply a drill that operates with compressed air.
These are pics of the Decline which was large enough to drive the ore trucks into and other heavy machinery and not showing the smaller 'drives' which only measured about 2m x 2m big enough for a man to get into and nothing much else.
It's loud when drilling and working underground but move away from the activity and the silence descends in the eeriest fashion. I once walked from halfway down the decline to the surface, all you can hear is the air being pumped through ventilation tubing and the occasional 'plink' as a pebble falls off the roof, onto your helmet. The ones that miss make no sound at all except the bigger ones, when they hit the floor.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Magpies demand action on Penguin Refugee influx

The avarian world is in an uproar as the Magpies have reacted to the possible influx of Penguins seeking refugee status if mining goes ahead in Antarctica.
Sure you may say they are birds like us with feathers and wings and they have relatives here already. But a Fairy Penguin is not 1.2 metres tall and doesn't mass in huge mobs like their couzins the Emporer and Adele Penguins do. Our safety and way of life is under threat if these refugees are allowed access to our nation of native creature. Look at what happens when we allow foriegn species to exist on our land. The cane toad, water buffalo and camel are nothing but pests. Oh and the feathered pest equivalents of the Starling, Pigeon and Sparrow. No good will come of it we say.

Mind you! If we Magpies are given our identity and dignity back and the penguins replace us as the identifying totems of all fooball teams that currently abase us with using the 'magpie' image let them in we say, the more the merrier. What's that we hear? Protests that we are selfish and other native beatsies are used as totems, yeah right! The Kangaroos, Aussie rules and soccer teams, in return for that got a spot on the National Coat of Arms! With the Emu another bird that can't fly. The Kookaburra, the national hockey team, fair trade off for all the bloody songs they have about themselves. Look footy ain't rocket science, hell half of the football fraternity have problems pronouncing vowels. How about starting a national Space Program and making us Magpies the Totem Beastie for that? Yeah right can't afford it, gotta build 300 m of tram line down the middle of the mainstreet and then get better traffic and transport facilities for the crowds who go to Footy Park. Stuff it, look give us a few of these fishing boats that have been impounded and we'll go to Antarctica.

Thankyou for yor time and attention, Geoff

Mine Antarctica

Penguins Pissed Off - only have little legs how do we get outa the holes?
Barnaby Joyce, Queensland National Party MP has suggested mining Antarctica's resources. Let's be fair the guy is a politician so making a few fuktard comments is a part of his job.

Fellowship of the Bloggers

The nanny pansy fuktard race are a blight on having fun, adventure and free expression so the god wizard has decided they must be exterminated.

That was a satisfying entry into my diary yesterday. Now it may be that being informed by my courtiers that that my third favorite concubine had her post eaten by the NPF's has sparked this fit of pique. But I think that the posting of salacious details on meeting a busload of beaurocrats stranded on the roadside and plying them with intoxicants and photographing the resulting lack of responsiblity is vital to the well being of any society.

It is only through these acts that NPF's discover what fun is. Sitting on my carved crystal throne for hours on end listening to the prayers of the faithful can become dull. I'd much rather be out practising havoc and chaos. It's all far too formal separated from the supplicants by seventy seven wide spaced silk curtains unable to see anyone and hearing the prayer through speaking tubes winding to my throne room.

I wish I had put mouth pieces on my end and so tell them I have no interest in appeals for making better Bon Bon's, make universally attractive human beings, get rid of sticking out ears and shut the neighbours dog up. Ask Billy Bonka, if he has finished playing Pirate he might have time to conjure up a better Bon Bon. Look, I have no recollection of creating anybody, it's a bit of a puzzle I must admit. Learn how to use sticking out ears, they are kinda fun to grab on too. Why not invite Dick Cheney around to go quail shooting he's bound to hit something, if not the dog maybe the neighbours and then they will move and the dog won't bother you anymore.

I think the NPF's have began to infiltrate my domain. Such a waste of time... This is trivial NPF-sense And distracting from carnal pleasures, the Companions of the Silk Veils are even begining to notice. Even the most talented Lady of the Back Passage and Maiden of the Silken Lips commented I seemed distracted.

The PIG KING has noticed this change in the happy lighthearted comings and goings of the Kingdom and we have been re-awakened from our reverie to deal with the evil LORD OF BLOGGS but only for his own benefit. We are concerned that the Arch Nemisis will go blind from all his occular pursuits. This would be a terrible happenstance the Kingdom does not need a Bloggy Wonder who who could only play a piano if he though it took pictures. And lets face it the PIG KING has always been the best songwriter here.

We will gather together our Fellowship of Blogg and travel to Fudge Mountain in Whoredor and make sure the evil Lord Of Blogg does not get to wear the Ring of Power absorbing the Kingdom of BloGGoBia into his world of BLOGlander!!

It will not be a pleasant journey full of pitfalls and honeytraps for the unwary. Some may not survive. But sometimes you must drop your pants or lift your skirts, unsheath your strap-on (or take it out of the draw u keep it in anyway), for freedom.

It is time to throw off the conservative shackles of the Fig Leaf and return the NPF's to the data base and filing system they come from.

Only citizens of the Kingdom of BloGGoBia may join the Fellowship of Bloggers

NO Dwarves, Elves, Gollums, Unicorns, Fuzzbittles, Raggafiddlydozits AND DEFINATELY NO Nanny Pansy Fuktards.

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Petting sharks, it's the friendly thing to do.

Penguin Hunter Diaries Interfering bloody busy bodies who wanna be nannies to everyone else outa take a leaf outa their own books and shut up more often. Adventure never hurts anyone except the adventurer if it goes wrong. Apparently it is a little thing called freedom of choice. As all the highly moral, moderate living, straightlaced inhabitants of this place know ( all 3 of you ) from reading all their favorite books, The world is flat, still! Columbus, was a terrible sailor but a bloody good fiction writer and well Galleilio and Da Vinci were totally off the planet I mean imagine the Earth not being the centre of the universe what a load of bullshit! NASA is just a branch of Hollywood, you can get away with man walking on the moon but when they start having dune buggy's driving on it well come on. You try standing on a block of cheese and see what happens! As if a car can drive on cheese!?Which gets me to dolphins filthy incestuous critters into infancide who freeload feeds of fish coz they have a hole in their head and breathe so they are related to us. Yeah well so are monkeys and if they are so cute why is the 'brazillian' so popular and having a hairy back not a social turn on?! Sharks are friendly here's proof this shark was feeding of a dead whale here and this guy petted it. He still has both arms nothing was taste tested at all and you guessed it all the bloody Nanny Heads went beserk at his irresponsible behaviour and the example he was setting publicly. The poor bastard ended up doing a public apology in an interview. What a waste of valuable newsprint and air time two words would have sufficed "Intercourse" and "Off!"

Adam Lindsay Gordon - Legend

The Penguin Hunter Diaries
Media celebrities of today are far removed from the original icons who their publicity releases try to emulate by telling how exciting and interesting actors, artists, comedians and musicians lives are.

Australia's acclaimed national Poet, Adam Lindsay Gordon did it all, the archetypical aussie hero. Larrakin, mounted trooper, horsebreaker, jockey, member of parliament and poet. Sure I'd heard the tales about his famous leap on horseback over the railing into the dormant volcano, the Blue Lake at Mount Gambier, riding his horse into hotels but never had I read or heard his verse until 1995. I was gifted a worn copy of the Poetical Works of Adam Lindsay Gordon, from the Mount Benson School Library inscribed with pen and ink and dated 24/6/1917. The preface by Marcus Clarke is about the emerging nation the man lived in and what he wrote about, sometimes. Gordon' s poetry taught me about where Patterson, Lawson, Ogilvie and Nielson came from, with their Australian poetry that followed his standard.

So instead of sitting on the fence and watching the day pass by I followed suit and decided to take the leap into the unknown, for Adam Lindsay Gordon. Which is what I usually do for myself so it wasn't that hard to do. Eleven years later the National Froth and Bubble Festival begins on the 24th of June 2006 a day of celebration to commemorate Australia's national poet. Without doubt I am not gifted with poetry, but reading a critics comments that, 'Gordon is a fourth rate poet if a poet at all.' is all the more reason to have had a crack at bringing him to the fore again. So I started writing a few columns and reviews of the man and putting his poems in magazines I was publishing on sport and art. I even penned a few poetry verses myself and stood up and performed them in clubs all the while researching his life and writing a show about him to one day perform myself.

In 2002 The Ballad of Adam Lindsay Gordon, was performed for the first time, nine shows in three days. Arty I am not, even the first show was nearly cancelled when a description of a 'blue' stand up comedy show I had done was taken to be the way the show would be. It was all sorted out with a private performance of the show which proved that what is done on stage is an act for then, not how it is always. Today, I still tour it from, Art and Folk Festivals to solo seasons of the show alone, meeting more people and entertaining them with the tale of Gordon and voicing his verse of life in Australia. In 2004 the show had been successful enough to go into a recording studio and embellish it even more with the sounds of the bush and recreating exeriences in our poets life with the benefit of talented people who can hear an idea and bring it to life with sound effects and music. One day I will go further with it and the stage show will be more like the studio cd recording with sound Fx. At the minute the show has been re-written into a radio format and is being produced with the assistance of the local ABC radio station. Adding even more to it I have now included actors to play various people who were quoted on their friend Gordon in the past for the radio production version.

In 2005 a copy of Adam Lindsay Gordon's bust was cast from the original marble one in Poet's Corner, Westminster Abbey and installed in Penola, where he was one of the town's mounted police before he went on to achieve many of his exploits in his travels living in Victoria, South Australia and Western Australia. Poetry has been surpassed as entertainment by television, radio and cinema and reigniting the celebration of the poet will not reach the thousands who used to gather at his grave site on the 24th of June, at Brighton. The Adam Lindsay Gordon Commemorative Committee (check out the Website) are for the celebrations to be anywhere Australians are to celebrate as Oscar Wilde put it. 'one of the finest singers the english language has ever known.'

'Life is mostly Froth and Bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
KINDNESS in anothers trouble,
COURAGE in your own.' Adam Lindsay Gordon

Thankyou for your time and attention, Geoff

Excess In Moderation

Another outlet for expression for me is this blog. Doing things takes time and the hours spent creating an idea and taking it to the next level of public performance just plays to my major character fault. Yes even though my friends correct me on it it is nice to have a delusion that PATIENCE is something I do have. Are you patient?

If it was possible to have one idea at a time and not have a myriad of others popping into existence inside this sponge like thing inside my head that are entertaining, and fun to explore then I too, would be patient. Thank fuck for blogging. An instant outlet for the offending idea to get an airing.

This blog will cover the whole spectrum of my creative being in written form. That's not to say as I go along, my various recordings of live shows and studio produced cd's won't get a place in here. Along with photo's of places and things I am doing, once I have it all figured out how to get them into here. Just that writing and telling tales is the first and easiest thing to do.

Who doesn't like EASY? C'mon we all do. It's as simple as having a choice between going to the supermarket to get food for a meal or being given a pointy stick and having to go out and hunt a Woolly Mammoth to have a BBQ. As romantic as the idea of chasing mammoths may be, when was the last time you heard of anyone getting trampled and gored into pre-fertiliser paste by a leg of lamb or beef? Hey! And foraging for vegetables wasn't so hot either, it's been ages since a person was leaning over inspecting the potato's and carrots was leapt on by a hungry tiger and became lunch in a supermarket.

Thanks for your time and attention, Geoff